PEEVES by BIFFY ››
"Man Purse"
Isn't this an old joke? Still, about once a week when a woman (a guy hasn't mentioned this yet - I'm waiting) sees my bag, purse, or satchel she'll say "hey, nice man purse, Biffy!" I usually respond, "it's actually a woman's purse." They'll say, "no ... haha ... it's a man purse!" Isn't this joke really old, and what is going on here? In an era where trannies run free in the fields, and homosexuals have spread their rainbow of fruit flavors across the the world with acceptance, why does having a smallish bag encourage people to lamely attempt to emasculate you?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Clothing | 12.31.1969 | Comments (0)
"It will be good for your portfolio" after asking you to do something for them for free.
When is something going to be good for my stock portfolio?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Work | 9.24.2009 | Comments (1)
When people ask you for your advice, then don't take it.
As a computer person, people often ask me about what they should do with their computer; what hard drive they should buy, how they should set up their website, etc. When I give them good, expensive advice, they often deny my 'expert' opinion and instead go with whatever it was they were going to do in the first place.
This also applies when asking a waitress what she recommends, someone on the street for directions, and what to do in a relationship situation.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 12.12.2009 | Comments (0)
DOC file email attachments.
Some people even put the contents of the email in the .doc file. Not everyone has or wants Microsoft office, bro.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Technology | 9.21.2009 | Comments (1)
Doing the dishes immediately after eating.
Let's hang out and digest instead.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 7.30.2009 | Comments (3)
Hearing about the recession.
Let's just sit back and enjoy it, ride it out, or whatever, instead of talking about it all the time. It's hard to find any news items that aren't about it, and as someone without any money to recess, it's not very interesting.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 4.9.2009 | Comments (6)
Claiming to have Native American heritage.
It's amazing how much spirituality you can milk from that 64th of your soul these days. What about the 16th rapist or 1/2 asshole in there? Why don't you put an asshole dreamcatcher above your rapist's bed you 100% bitch?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | none | 2.11.2009 | Comments (1)
When the headline of an article poses a question which the story refutes.
Headline: Is all of earth's oxygen thick with heavy poisons, making human extinction an inevitability?
Article: Most scientists say no.
Headline: Will city pet owners have to install tracking devices / remote control mines in their pets anuses?
Article: One guy thought this was a good idea, but then everyone else said it was totally crazy and there's no way it will happen, go figure.
Headline: Can hackers break into your computer and take picture of you through your web cam, then place your image on security camera footage of someone committing a murder?
Article: It happened in one isolated incident which we'll cover for a few weeks, but probably wont happen ever again.
This is rampant, fear-inducing, paper-selling hogwash!
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 1.16.2009 | Comments (1)
People doing gross yoga-esque stretches while you're talking to them.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | none | 1.4.2009 | Comments (0)
Characters in animations or fantasy movies that make incoherent noises which can only be understood by another character who has to repeat what they said for the audience to understand.
This must have originated with owners being able to understand their dogs. "What's that boy? " "Woof!" "Danger? What? Fire ... in the old barn by the lake?" "Woof woof."
This is such a warn staple of fantasy fiction. Examples off the top of my head: R2D2, Chewbacca, Kenny on Southpark, Cousin It from Adam's Family, the son on Frisky Dingo.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Art | 11.25.2008 | Comments (0)
Rude direction seekers
This happens all the time in New York. Often people just turn away from you when they have the information they need, or worse, get more demanding and frustrated with the information you're giving them. Sometimes you will say too much, and, not wanting to seem like a visitor, they'll say "Oh yeah, I know I know" and then walk off. Some slightly drunken, B+T / douche guy sarcastically yelled "thanks, yeah, thank, really really helpful" after he had demanded to know where a specific street address was and no one in my party did.
They act as if you are their employee.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 11.23.2008 | Comments (8)
People sitting unoccupied at a café staring around at the other patrons.
No book, no newspaper, no gadget to fiddle with, just creepy leering.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 12.12.2008 | Comments (1)
Enough free partial-spaces between cars to make one full parking space if it were possible to lift and drop the cars.
Yet, there isn't a whole parking spot free, so you must circle for an hour.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 11.20.2008 | Comments (1)
People making the same "hot" face for every photograph.
This is often a lip-pursing, sucky-suck, down-angled face for women, an aloof, empty-headed, slack-mouthed, head-cock for men.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 8.4.2009 | Comments (0)
Improper tortilla-to-filling ratio at restaurants.
They usually only give you half what you need, so you must order another stack.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 7.19.2009 | Comments (0)
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 9.6.2008 | Comments (2)
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Internet | 10.7.2008 | Comments (3)
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 10.17.2008 | Comments (3)
Banana smell flavoring all other items in my lunch bag.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 9.7.2008 | Comments (0)
Huge flat-screen televisions in bars and restaurants.
Perhaps an obvious one, but worth mentioning: we go to these places and pay five times as much for alcohol in part for the atmosphere, which is completely demolished by these panels of plastic sunlight.
Unless it's the big game night, few people look at them, there are merely there to taunt and distract us with their alternate version of reality.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 9.8.2008 | Comments (1)
When going to meet someone and you both show up early for alone, relaxing time.
It's a rare, but special peeve. Each person doesn't want the other person to be there quite yet, but they both have to act like they do.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 9.10.2008 | Comments (0)
The fact that the weather reports daily icon always show the most unpleasant aspect of the day's weather, though it may only account for a few minutes of activity.
If there is a rain storm which, during the summer, only lasts about ten minutes, the icon for the entire day will show a thunder cloud, causing you to despair and cancel outdoor engagements. But in reality the rest of the day is dry and quite pleasant. Are the weather reporters this desperate for action?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 10.18.2008 | Comments (1)
Getting something for free in a bar or restaurant from a friend or acquaintance, but feeling so guilty about it that you tip more than, or close to, the actual price of the thing you were given for free.
At least when paying for things, there is no guilt.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 9.13.2008 | Comments (1)
Buying the diet version of a food product by a mistake.
Diet Snapple, for instance, tastes like aspirin water. Yet, the labels are only slightly different, and neither looks like an aspirin label.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 10.22.2008 | Comments (10)
The renaming, or co-naming of existing streets with public figures' names.
The map already worked fine. How is it helpful to know that West 66th street is now also Peter Jennings Way. PETER JENNINGS!
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 10.13.2008 | Comments (1)
When a new, possibly annoying or cute, movie's soundtrack contains a song you've liked for a really long time.
And everyone thinks that it was made for the film. Thank you, Wes Anderson.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Art | 3.20.2009 | Comments (1)
Receiving a bulk email from someone you never hear from anymore.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Internet | 11.3.2008 | Comments (4)
"You kids have fun tonight!" along with other types of condescending kid-inclusive phrases.
The implication being, in some cases, that you are intimately involved with the other "kid," when that may or not be the case, but it is always the case that you don't want this information puked on right right before you may or may not "have fun."
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 9.17.2008 | Comments (0)
Christmas Trees on the Street Post-Christmas
I don't care much for the holiday anyway, but to see the once-doted-over princess of the holiday, thrown out on the streets like a dead whore a day or two after December 25th is just pathetic. Why not have another living plant to decorate which continues to live on after the holiday's death like, say, Jesus did.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 9.18.2008 | Comments (3)
Condescension from doormen.
While being a perfectly decent profession, having become a doorman or doorwoman for a fancy building doesn't necessarily mean you have reached the highest echelon of society - it's more like you're a slave to it. So, why are you looking down on me with such disgust for wearing casual or dirty clothing and entering your place of work?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 6.5.2009 | Comments (1)
Orange sponge-painted walls in cafés
Somewhere, far off in a subterranean cavern where the bad taste of the world is made, some piece of crap decided that sponge-painted walls were an easy way to make your caf look fresh and hip, and so, my children, many, many caf owners followed suit, and painted vomit on their walls until all of the cafs of the world looked like garbage for all of eternity. The end.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 12.31.1969 | Comments (1)
Backpacks pulling one's shirt upwards.
The motion of walking makes the backpack slowly coerce the shirt up.
— BIffy from Brooklyn, NY | none | 9.21.2009 | Comments (0)
Feeling excited about the mundane.
It's revolting how pleasant it can be to, say, organize your desk drawer, or cut 2 minutes off your commute.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Self | 7.23.2009 | Comments (1)
Not knowing a song is a cover of another.
Let's say you like this band, and you really like this one song they do, and you might even love that song, and you might even have loved that song for years, marveling with each three minute spin at the genius, that face or faces, that produced this harmonious combination of sounds. Then, you discover to your amazement and disgust — maybe on the oldies station, maybe through a friend's knowledge — that you've been incorrectly attributing the talent to the wrong person the whole time.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Music | 10.7.2008 | Comments (2)
Brunch: all aspects aside from nutritional intake or necessary friend meeting.
Brunch, I hate you so much. Why?
• People just love having brunch!
• If you work full-time, you're taking one of the scant, two days you have "free," and extending a perfectly normal meal that could take a few minutes, or no time at all, into one that last hours, thereby technically wasting your life.
• Brunch is an unnecessary extension of the previous night's social activities. Worse, brunch-talk often consists of the rehashing and analysis of the previous night's activities which are generally about how much alcohol was consumed, and who said what to whom. Does brunch, itself, then need a Linner to cover its own happenings? What about a Bruinner or a Brulinner followed by a Brulinner Midnight Snack?
• Often brunch activities take place while participants are hungover and groggy, inhibiting meaningful conversation and promoting discussion of how good or bad the food is, which is probably a peeve on this site already.
• Because brunch takes so long to happen, one will go hungry until the food is finally served, often at noon.
• "Brunch" sounds like a bad back condition, or a vomiting noise.
• Everyone looks bad in the morning.
• Brunch, or breakfast food in general, has the highest ratio of cost between home preparation and menu price. If you make a damn good omelet with toast at home, it will cost about a dollar twenty-five and take ten minutes to prepare, the same thing will cost you hours and $22 at your favorite restaurant. OH -- but Biffy, no, you've missed something -- it comes with a free bloody mary or mimosa!
• Brunch often comes with fancily-named, watered-down drinks, which, unless you are planning on having a long hardcore, drunken day, will leave you feeling like you have allergies or a cold coming on an hour later.
This being said, brunch's only benefit is when a friend, or friends, are in town, and you can't see them at another time -- then, it's perfect because you want to stretch something out of nothing and spend money as an expression of celebration.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 11.3.2008 | Comments (0)
Saying goodbye to someone, then walking in the same direction with them.
Do you say goodbye to them again the next time? With more or less vehemence than the last? Or, do you pretend they are a ghost from then on?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 2.14.2009 | Comments (3)
Asking me if I liked the movie before the credits are over with.
As one who enjoys and commits to a film, there is a poignant break with reality that comes during the generally 1.5 to 2.5 hours of a film.
Asking me how this experience is when it just ending is like jarring me awake during a blissful dream to go to school. Please, let me exit this trance in peace!
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Art | 3.16.2009 | Comments (0)
Journalists quoting internet comments.
Can reporting be any more lazy?
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 2.24.2009 | Comments (0)
"Food Coma"
I can't fully explain why I hate when people say this so much. It usually occurs after everyone at the table has just consumed a meal larger than is necessary and there is a break in conversation. It's a boring oft-repeated filler that points out how gluttonous and wrong the situation is. Also, it is reminiscent of stoner-talk.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 11.27.2008 | Comments (0)
The coaster sticking to the bottom of a glass when the glass is raised.
It usually falls off mid-sip and annoys me.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Other | 10.6.2009 | Comments (2)
Media's referring to groups of people as "simple people" or "regular people."
Isn't this insulting? Who is irregular, and what constitutes a 'simple' person? This is often heard in reference to people who are suffering or have endured some tragedy to insight pity.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Television | 6.26.2009 | Comments (4)
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Art | 10.5.2008 | Comments (2)
The addition of "2.0" to the end of something to indicate its newness, or as a joke.
That's spoken "two point ohh." It's not new, and it's not funny. "3.7" is original and hilarious, though.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Language | 9.20.2009 | Comments (0)
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 12.24.2008 | Comments (1)
When someone smiles or waves at someone directly behind you, so you think it's meant for you.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 4.29.2009 | Comments (1)
Forced pet appreciation.
"Look at Fufu! Look at Fufu! She's so cute -- yes she is -- she's so cute."
It's an awkward moment when you don't agree about the cuteness.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Pets | 5.13.2009 | Comments (9)
The addition of sneakers to an otherwise formal outfit to indicate hipness or casualness.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Clothing | 3.1.2009 | Comments (9)
— Biffy from Brooklyn | Conversation | 9.23.2008 | Comments (5)
Alarm makers insisting on creating an annoying tone instead of a pleasant one.
Maybe a beautiful alarm noise would encourage us to become conscious once again.
— Biffy from Brooklyn | Household | 10.8.2009 | Comments (6)
Electronic items which lack a switch, and therefore must be unplugged to be turned off.
— Biffy from Brooklyn | Household | 11.18.2009 | Comments (4)
Covers of Christmas songs.
This does not improve the song, it only harms your band.
— Biffy from Brooklyn | Music | 12.25.2008 | Comments (2)
When in the middle of a good conversation in, say a diner, an incredibly cheesy song comes on, making the conversation feel like it's an important bonding moment in a shitty movie.
There is barrage of cheesy modern rock songs that sound like they would go well with the opening credits for a teen drama television show flooding into our nations food establishments even as you read this. They are the species of song that most begs for musical genocide.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Music | 3.19.2009 | Comments (2)
When ethnic restaurants have numbers on their menus, but when you refer to a number, the employee still asks you to describe the order.
This is very consistent with Chinese restaurants.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 9.8.2009 | Comments (2)
Significant-others automatically riding shotgun.
I will be there after he or she is disposed of. Equality among those you are close to.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Relationships | 10.7.2008 | Comments (8)
Playing blues music through tiny laptop computer speakers.
The distance between the source and the speaker is too great.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Music | 5.30.2009 | Comments (0)
"-blank- is the new -blank-"
It continues to astound me how often people use this formula.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Language | 10.29.2008 | Comments (7)
When at, say, a concert, you have become the person that people walk by or in front of in order to get closer to the stage.
People can sense that I am a weak link.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Public Places | 6.7.2009 | Comments (4)
When you help someone with their computer, and they blame all subsequent problems on your intervention.
I've somehow ended up as tech support for a handful of people. This is one of the side-effects.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Technology | 12.4.2008 | Comments (3)
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Etiquette | 10.22.2008 | Comments (17)
When people arbitrarily try to set you up with someone else, citing your shared singleness as your common trait.
Please put a little more thought into who you think I might spend the rest of my life with!
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Relationships | 4.4.2009 | Comments (4)
When people say, "It's a long story" when really they just don't want to tell you the story.
Just tell me that you really don't want to tell me story, I'll understand. Or, maybe, "I don't want to get into it now."
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 11.23.2009 | Comments (0)
Mandatory use of "my" for items on the internet and on one's computer.
My Documents, My Pictures, MySpace, MyCiti, MySQL, My God!
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Technology | 12.5.2008 | Comments (6)
When someone says, "that's really funny" but doesn't laugh.
Unless you mean funny as weird-funny, or funny-tasting, I guess it's not really that funny.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 8.3.2009 | Comments (10)
"It's supposed to be bad."
Nothing is supposed to be bad. If it's of low fidelity, for instance, then it's low fidelity, but still good. If you think something is bad, it is bad.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 11.25.2009 | Comments (0)
When someone responds to a situation or desire you've described by saying that it happens to everyone.
... thereby implying that any associated sensations are not genuine.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 10.21.2008 | Comments (1)
Someone including you in their own lowly description of themselves.
E.g., "God, we're such losers," or "Hey I guess some people just have it, not us!"
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 1.3.2010 | Comments (1)
Someone talking to me while I'm in the changing room.
My mother is guilty of this the most. She yells, "Biffy, are you doing alright in there, hun?" to me, thereby broadcasting my assumed need to shop with my mother for her express approval to the entire anonymous set of changers, in addition to the room attendant who I actually have to face on the way out.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Shopping | 10.7.2008 | Comments (1)
Someone using a "big" word, then immediately defining it while looking quizzically into your eyes.
It presents an interesting situation: you're given the choice to either ignore this behavior or seem rude and snippy by replying, "I know what that means." Either way, the person speaking with you has made the assumption that you don't know the word, and therefore finds themselves smarter.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Conversation | 10.23.2008 | Comments (4)
When someone tries to hand you something while your hands are occupied.
The dollar bill is aimed straight at you, your hands are full, you look back and forth at the person trying to complete this transaction at the worst possible time, nothing happens, you dramatically place down the object you're holding, take the object being thrust towards you, place it on the table, and pick up the objects you were previously clutching.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Dining | 9.30.2008 | Comments (4)
Asking me a question when I'm chewing something, then waiting for the answer.
— Biffy from Bethlehem, Connecticut | Dining | 10.22.2008 | Comments (3)
Recycling of a term of affection from a previous relationship.
I was, early on in a relationship, called "sweetie" when I clearly didn't deserve the nickname. I knew it was meant for someone else. But for whom? When an ex-boyfriend's answering machine message was broadcast through her apartment, starting with the word, I had my answer.
— Biffy from Brooklyn, NY | Relationships | 10.7.2008 | Comments (7)
