PEEVES by HAIRNETTE FUNICELLO ››
When you receive a call on your cell phone while in the process of checking your messages.
If you take the call you miss the message because it keeps going.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Technology | 1.21.2010 | Comments (0)
Celebrations of life
It's not like calling a funeral by any other name is going to make it more of a blast. Let's put the FUN back in FUNeral!
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Other | 4.26.2010 | Comments (0)
When ceiling fans are installed directly below a light source.
When the fan is on, it bisects the light source, creating a dull strobe effect. Dizzying to read under these conditions.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu, CA | Public Places | 10.2.2009 | Comments (1)
The stench of other people's phones
The germ-y pungency of that warm vomit/chewing-on-diarrhea smell could just kill me.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Hygiene | 1.5.2009 | Comments (1)
When you are pulling open a door and the person behind you reaches above your head to continue the door opening process.
I can open the door all by myself and then I'll pass it to you. No need for us to share the opening experience.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Public Places | 10.19.2009 | Comments (1)
Share-a-tab birthday meals with 8+ people
I miss the days when the birthday person was the host and the invitees were the guests.
Reasons why huge birthday dinners suck: 1) Dividing the bill equally sucks b/c my dinner salad was way cheaper than your veal w/ appetizer of escargot. 2) Not dividing the bill sucks because haggling over who ordered what, trying to divide the cost of the birthday person's meal by 11, deciphering the waiter's handwriting, deducting the costs of wine from the bill of those who didn't drink is tacky and time consuming and embarassing to do in front of the celebree. 3) Both suck because in big groups there are inevitably a few people who leave early and forget to calculate the costs of wine, tax and tip into their share.
THE SOLUTIONS: No more big birthday dinner UNLESS one person is treating OR big birthday dinners with pre fixe options and pre-set prices.
— Hairnette Funicello from malibu | Dining | 10.20.2008 | Comments (14)
At a gym class: When a first-timer stands in the front.
The problem is that the off rhythm uncoordinated person is standing between you and the mirror and often between you and the instructor. You have no where to look but at them and it makes you lose your game.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu, CA | Health | 7.22.2009 | Comments (2)
Constant belly-rubbing by pregnant ladies
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Etiquette | 6.4.2009 | Comments (7)
— Hairnette Funicello from malibu | Driving | 10.9.2008 | Comments (2)
adults with braces
My shrink just got them. And after eight years together, I might have to leave him. He has a lisp now, and looks like a pre-teen in the above-the-chin-below-the-nose area.
— Hairnette Funicello from Aberdeen, WA | Other | 10.28.2008 | Comments (2)
When people ask to try on my eyeglasses.
Darling, you look oh-so-gorgeous in my frames. Much better than I could ever look. There are you happy? No? You also have to tell me that my prescription is super weak/strong?
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Etiquette | 8.7.2009 | Comments (4)
fashion/beauty business' tendency to singularize plural nouns
Did you see the smokey eye on the YSL runway?
The highwasted short is just begging for a strappy sandal.
The bridesmaid dress will be paired with a red shoe.
This would be way cooler if the models were one-eyed, one-legged, one-footed folk.
— Hairnette Funicello from | Style & Fashion | 3.24.2010 | Comments (4)
While chatting on the internet, when people don't press enter frequently enough.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Internet | 10.23.2008 | Comments (4)
People who consume multiple french fries per mouthful.
Subways and buses are great places to observe Fry McShoveling.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Etiquette | 9.16.2009 | Comments (10)
Being stuck as the treasurer when a big group eats out
This is a thankless job. Most common scenario: friend's birthday. Friend chooses restaurant. Everybody gorges on food and drink. The check comes. Treasurer must calculate how much each person (except birthday person) owes, collect money, deal with birthday person who makes halfhearted attempt to pay, count money consecutive times to see if we really are THAT short, figure out who underpaid/overpaid (Tip: look at who is making least amount of eye contact), deal with the asshole who wants to put 1/32nd of the bill on his credit card, and prevent birthday person from knowing full amount of bill.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Dining | 10.26.2009 | Comments (3)
Hallucinating the ring of my cell phone.
Is it because I'm so desperate for human contact that my mind produces phantom rings? A friend of mine feels phantom vibrations of her cell phone.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Technology | 2.18.2010 | Comments (6)
When the battery compartments of regular household objects require a screwdriver to access
I get it if it's a kids' toy and you don't want little Timmy to remove the Duracell from Teddy Ruxpin and start sucking on it. But why the additional safety measures on my clock radio?
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Household | 12.18.2008 | Comments (0)
kids wearing those wheelie-shoe things
Where do you get off, kid, joyfully gliding through life's more mundane situations (e.g. airports, long lines at the post office, subway platforms) on the back of your heels? Oh, how I wish you, with the toe of your shoe cocked toward the heavens, would lose your balance, land on your head, and crack your skull.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Other | 1.15.2009 | Comments (7)
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Public Places | 5.31.2010 | Comments (1)
Discontinuation of relied-upon cosmetic products
When Revlon discontinued making their SkinLights foundation, I thought I was going to die. There ought to be some sort of due process clause written into the US Constitution or one of the Int'l Human Rights Conventions requiring that cosmetic companies provide notice-and-comment proceedings and hearings to the public before removing a product from the shelves.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Hygiene | 1.8.2009 | Comments (4)
Slide show or powerpoint presentations in which the presenter reads exactly what is on the slide.
— Hairnette Funicello from malibu | Work | 10.7.2008 | Comments (6)
When my computer substitutes a copyright symbol after I type parantheses around the letter c.
I could fix it on the default, but it would be better if Microsoft weren't so presumptuous about my wish to use symbols connoting intellectual property. Then again, not surprising.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Technology | 2.26.2009 | Comments (1)
Being handed my ice cream cone before I pay for it.
It's really hard to rifle through my wallet when I'm holding a cone. So many tipped-over ice cream cone accidents could be prevented if cashiers would let me pay for it before they hand it to me.
— Hairnette funicello from Malibu | Dining | 6.17.2009 | Comments (7)
"We're trying to get pregnant."
Could you also TRY to protect me from images of you and your mate fornicating every night at 10pm sharp.
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Sex | 9.21.2008 | Comments (3)
Household items that come on a roll: when the end is elusive.
Tape, toilet paper, saran wrap, sometimes thread.
Oh the precious time I've wasted twirling these things round and round looking and feeling for the useable end.
— Hairnette Funicello from malibu | Household | 10.7.2008 | Comments (1)
— Hairnette Funicello from Malibu | Other | 5.1.2009 | Comments (1)
When talking on the phone: the interval of time before you realize the call has been disconnected.
— hairnette funicello from malibu | Conversation | 4.27.2009 | Comments (1)
A warm toilet seat
Although not on par with the offensiveness of hair, piss, menstrual blood, or feces on the toilet seat, warmth is nevertheless an unwelcome indicator of the prior user's leisurely experience. It's doubly gross because usually a warm seat is paired with stink/skid marks from the prior user. The combo of tactile, visual, and olfactory proof is all too sensually overwhelming.
— Hairnette Funicello from aberdeen, washington | Bathrooms | 5.12.2009 | Comments (3)
