PEEVES by JMC ››
The sound of someone drinking coffee on a silent elevator.
From the first gurgly slurp, to the gulping sound and passage of liquid down your throat, I can hear every last little moment of this process on a silent elevator.
The suffix "-ista"
Oh, GOD, enough already. Fashionista, or worse: recessionista. And then on a commercial I just heard "frugalista."
Pressure to find my "passion."
What if I don't have a deep desire to make handbags or cupcakes? What if I just want to have a regular job and just be kind of okay with it, whatever?
People who act like they're busier than you are.
Oh, you've been soooooo busy? Guess what, me too!
Narrating your reactions to things on the internet, with irritating language derived from stage directions.
This especially happens in blog comments. *Rolls eyes in disgust.*
"Coming out of retirement"
Jay-Z and Lance Armstrong, I am looking at you.
Calling it Turkey Day.
Just say Thanksgiving. The only reason to call it Turkey Day is to be cute, and it's not cute, so cut it out. Plus, why do people say stuff like, "I can't wait for turkey!" or "Enjoy the turkey!"? Turkey's not THAT great. I mean, it's not the part that I am like OH YES about. Wine and pie is a lot more exciting. Even stuffing. Stupid turkey.
When someone asks a question that they could answer themselves.
People do this all the time. For example, a person wearing a watch will ask you the time. A person with a cell phone in their pocket will ask you the time, knowing that you have to take your cell phone out of your pocket to answer. It's not easier for you than it is for them. A person emails you asking what the weather will be like on the weekend. Or "what's the name of that song?" launching you into a manic internet search which they could have done themselves. At work people ask, "do we have vacation on labor day?" and you have to look it up on the company web site. But *they* could have looked it up on the company web site. Or someone will ask "what's George's office number?" rather than looking it up. It's not ask if they expect you to happen-to-know. They expect you to look it up.
Auto flush before poo inspection.
When the auto flush in a public bathroom flushes and sucks your poo away before you've had a chance to look at it. There might be some clue that you're deathly ill, but you'll never know it thanks to the auto flush.