PeevePile • A Pet Peeve Archive » When people you aren't interested in think you're interested in them and let you know by saying they have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

When people you aren't interested in think you're interested in them and let you know by saying they have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I ran into a girl who I recognized from college at the Super Market. We talked for about four seconds before she made a point of bringing up the fact she has a boyfriend. Can't I make polite conversation with out it meaning I want to fuck you? Is the only way to prove that I'm not some desperate loser harboring a crush for almost a decade to pretend I don't recognize you?

— Matt P from New York, NY | Relationships | 10.27.2008 | Comments (7)

I can understand why mentions of an s.o. in a short conversation with an acquaintance would seem superfluous here, but often there’s no such ulterior motive. In my experience, after being with someone for a while and having the person be a big part of your life, the free associative nature of thought can make it feel odd to NOT make a reference, especially if small talk has veered in a direction which makes the doings of the s.o. relevant. Like someone says, "I just got back from China" and you haven’t just gotten back from China but want to have something productive to add so you say "Oh, my boyfriend had a wonderful time there just a few months ago, but his asthma really acted up because of the air quality" or something. In a situation like that, if I said "friend" instead of "boyfriend," I would feel like I was trying to deny my boyfriend’s existence and sketchily keep my options open.

— Diana posted 10/27/2008

This is an ideal peeve because it puts the peevee in an awkward situation (not being able to retaliate) and is wicked presumptuous of the peever. Diana, I think it's completely fair that a boyfriend would come up, but in many cases it comes out of NOWHERE. Trust me on this one.

— Biffy posted 10/27/2008

Somewhat related is the fact that my older sister can't go three minutes after being introduced to a new person before mentioning her husband and children. In her case (and also maybe in some cases with the boyfriend mention) it's not that she thinks the other person is interested in her, but it's that her husband and babies are THAT central to her identity.

— Hairnette posted 10/28/2008

I understand that there's people's identities that are wrapped up in their relationships. Codependency aside, I'm talking situations where it's something like "Hey, how you been?" and the answer is something like "I'm good. And so is my boyfriend." And that's when I think "fuck you."

— Matt P posted 10/28/2008

Yes, this happens to women to... You can be making pleasant chit chat, say, in the... OFFICE and wham! "my girlfriend". On the other hand, it's nice to get the "my girlfriend" reference when you ARE interested in someone so that you can avoid, say, knowing someone for three years and then being surprised that he's married the girl he's been dating for several years. Not even one "my girlfriend" reference in all that time! (But plenty of innuendo!)

— Agnes posted 10/29/2008

I had the opposite peeve just happen the other day: there was this lady I was interested in, and I talked to her for an hour, and near the end she mentioned her boyfriend for some reason. What a waste.

— Tri Force posted 1/14/2009

I agree with Matt. Although it is natural to bring up one's s.o. in a conversation, especially when they become pertinent to the topic, it is kind of embarrassing when they come up as almost a non sequitur. The person obviously is trying to tell you that they are taken, and that feels kind of awful when you weren't interested in them that way. Having said that, I can attest that the opposite is just as ugly. Years ago I was interested in a co-worker, and we took the train at the same time. We had many conversations while waiting for the train together, and even had drinks during one particulary long tie-up. Months went by before hearing one mention of his wife. (In this instance, I did NOT play it cool. I practically yelled, "Your WIFE?" at him. So not cool of him not to tell me. So not cool of me to have absolutely no filter.)

— BettyCrockerPunkRocker posted 9/13/2010

Saying that men watching their own kids are "babysitting." » 5 stars

Water on the counter at a public bathroom such that when you lean over to wash your hands, your stomach and crotch area get all wet. » 5 stars

When people tell me to "calm down" when I am already calm. » 5 stars

Putting on a clean pair of socks, entering the bathroom or kitchen and standing in a water splash left on the floor, thus getting your clean socks wet and forcing you to change them. » 5 stars

Excessive and difficult-to-remove packaging » 4.95238 stars

Rolls of toilet paper in which the size and weight to tensile strength ratio renders it impossible to dispense the paper in the usual manner (ie: pull on the end, roll turns, paper advances). » 4.93333 stars

Doctors "shortening" your wait time by making you wait in the exam room instead. » 4.93333 stars

People who touch computer screens. » 4.91667 stars

Using mobile phones at the register. » 127 Comments

The non-existance of unpadded bras in cup sizes less than D. Macy's, Victoria's secret, and Bloomingdales do not carry them. unpadded. » 41 Comments

People who put ketchup in the refrigerator. » 41 Comments

When pregnant women complain about being pregnant. » 39 Comments

People who deliberately pronounce words incorrectly and repeatedly. » 34 Comments

Women who are just so beautiful they don't have to contribute to sex... » 32 Comments

"Irregardless." » 30 Comments

Saying that men watching their own kids are "babysitting." » 27 Comments

Using mobile phones at the register. » super – rillengig 2/6

Using mobile phones at the register. » super – Peenevoni 2/6

Using mobile phones at the register. » super – ignolefolla 2/6

Using mobile phones at the register. » super – shoopsync 2/5

10.31.10

Thanks to a recent torrent of spam, I’ve had to disable comments for a while. I’ve now removed the ability to put links in the comments. Email me if you want to put something in, such as five links to knock-off handbag sites, and I’ll happily oblige.

09.10.10

I’ve added two features to the sidebar: Highest Rating and Hotly Debated. They will be updated daily. To my surprise, the ketchup-in-fridge peeve seemed to really incite some anger — it’s clearly a complex situation that affects us all.

It should be noted that the star ratings indicate how much you agree with, or appreciate, the peeve, not how you feel when it happens.

I will be adding a Paragon Peeves section as well, for my and my friends’ personal favorites.

Please enjoy, and contact me if you have any new feature ideas.